Respecting yourself.

There's a girl I follow on social media who once wrote a post telling girls to respect themselves and not to post revealing pictures of themselves on the internet. I am all for that message. However, she then went on to say that it was okay for her because she is a "professional model" and that she was getting paid to do it. This message is not okay. Furthermore, this girls posts more and more photos were of herself in her underwear taken on her computer or a mirror selfie. These were not part of a photo shoot. They were just photos she had just taken herself to post for likes.

Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this whole situation?

First of all, respecting yourself means doing whatever you want with your body. If you're proud of it and you want to show it off, show it off! I don't care if you're a professional model or you just feel great about yourself that day and take a killer picture! Of course you have to be mindful of consequences that can arise from posting these pictures.

Secondly, you can not tell girls that it is only okay to take your clothes off if you're getting paid to. That is not a good message to convey. I can't even wrap my head around something like that. That is such a skewed message. If you have a little sister, would you want her growing up thinking that way?

Thirdly, if you're going to try and convey a message that is supposed to be inspiring to help girls go down the right path, then you need to embody these values. Lead by example. Not tell girls not to be naked, then take pictures of you completely nude in your living room.

All in the name of rock.

I stood in the sixth row of the venue watching my favorite band take the stage for the last time* trying to figure out why four 50+ year old men meant so much to me.

If you've ever heard about Mötley Crüe, you may know they're one of the biggest rock bands ever to grace our musical world. They were known more for their debauchery than their talent. I'm not implying they're not talented because Mick Mars is like the god of the underworld when he plays, but their antics gave them their name.

There's nothing in their lyrics that are so inspirational that they speak to you, they're about drugs and girls and more drugs and more girls. Musically, they're not the best band in the world either. So what is it about them?

I wondered this as I stood feet away from them..

Then I felt it. 

They started playing and everything I had to worry about disappeared. Work, school, bills: none of it mattered in that moment. The crowd was gone, too. It was just me and the Crüe. For a few hours, I got to be apart of the Rock and Roll world that is so different from the life I actual have to live. 

This is the band that I have loved for almost 10 years (which is really nothing compared to their 34 year career). This is the band that I have spent so much time invested in: listening to their songs, watching their videos and documentaries, reading their articles and books, following them on social media. 

Before, they were just like characters in a movie. They don't seem real.
Until they're standing right in front of you. And they're people sized.

I have seen  Mötley Crüe once before. I sat in the lawn and watched these tiny little ants play music. But now, they're feet away from me, I can feel the heat from the stage show, I can see their sweat in person, I could see Nikki Sixx's leg hair in the hole of his pants. It's a different experience when you're on the floor. They are real people and they put on one hell of a show.

* Please donate and send me to their Final Show in LA. Please, please, please. (I have given up pizza to save money for this, that's how important it is.)

True self~

My dad once told me my biggest downfall is that my heart was too big. 

When he said that I thought he was insane. How could having a big heart be a bad thing? 

A few years have passed now and I'm starting to understand what he meant: I have a tendency to care for people more than they'd ever care for me. Family, friends, strangers. 

With that being said, I have also come to realize that in me caring so much for these people I have begun to care more so about what they think about me. A true people pleaser. I have a hard time saying "no" to anyone even if its not what I want at all, as long as it makes the people around me happy. 

I used to tell myself that being a light in the world and making sure others were happy and taken care of would in return deliver me some type of happiness. I was wrong. I was taking away from myself this whole time.

I found that I was becoming ashamed of who I am, what I liked and my feelings if others couldn't understand them or didn't feel like they were important or valid. Since I cared so much about making sure the people around me were at their best I began conditioning my self to hide who I really was as not to trouble them. I began to feel like my emotions and feeling were not as theirs.

If you have ever talked to me in real life, you may have realized that  I often add a disclaimer to down play my emotions that are usually very real.

"I don't know why I am feeling this way and it's probably really stupid but...."

Nothing is worse than feeling some way and someone telling you you're wrong for feeling that way. I could go on to tell you about how the people closest to me have hurt me in this way and didn't even know what they were doing to me but do I really want to call out my best friends? Parents? Or how even the guy I was supposed to marry made me feeling like what I cared about was a burden? Not really. Stories for another time. 
Until then I'm going to continue to undo what I have been doing for the past 23 years. It's time for me to really shine.

Cliche Intro~

I figure if I'm going to write a blog I might as well introduce myself. 

My name is Chelsie. I'm currently 23 years old living in a town that is not doing a damn thing for me.

A creative soul with no true talent; I like to say I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. Basically, I'm mediocre in all aspects of my life. I am obsessed with things that I have no clue about because I think its awesome when people can figure things out and I cant.

I'm a walking Murphy's Law. I never win anything. Eternally friendzoned. Probably damaged beyond repair.

But I can appreciate the little things, and I care about people more than anything. I sacrifice my happiness to put others first. Always. When I find someone I connect with, I give them everything I have. A lot of people have walked out of my life or made me feel unimportant and sometimes people laugh at my jokes so it's all okay.

Really, I'm just your typical girl. There's nothing special about me and there is really no reason for you to care.

But here I am. An open book. Inviting you to explore my world, or at least what I can actually formulate into words.

Welcome. I hope you stay awhile.